I last posted in March, there has been alot going on. For starters my car got repo'd, my brother went to work, then let go 2 months later, we moved again at the end of August, been one struggle after another. Sometimes I feel like giving up and walking away, but I know deep down that really won't solve much.
I am not happy with the way my life is but its hard to walk away. I sincerely do not know what I would do if I was not constantly struggling. I want to do so many things, but I often let other dictate/control what I do. I know many individuals around me really do not care about me, they have heard the same story over and over or just don't care at all. I do not expect ppl to care. Easier to close myself off to the world I guess that way.
I feel that others judge me. I feel like I am in a downward spiral and can not get up. I am fighting it from going totally down. Everything in my life is suffering, my health- can not afford medicines, cant afford food at times, my work production has also suffered, my spiritual life has also suffered tremendously, I have not been to church in a long time. Everytime I tried, the truck did not have gas, or it was too late to catch a ride, or I had to stay late to make up some time.
History tends to repeat itself. Lets see what my future will hold.
I cant do it much anymore. I really do not have the strength this time around.
